


Daddy's Broke....n

by TheIonWhalesArise (ToastedRoach)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Difference, Bruises, Codependency, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Drabble, Father/Son Incest, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Kissing, M/M, Masochism, Non-Graphic Violence, Non-Linear Narrative, POV First Person, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToastedRoach/pseuds/TheIonWhalesArise
Summary: Hi, I'm starting to write short drabbles about my OCs and their world. I can't add OC characters on mobile, doing it later whenever that is...First one is a guy named Billy reflecting upon a recent mistake (he fucks his adopted grown up son), how he instant karma punished himself and how he misses his late dad. (His relationship with dear old daddy was unhealthy at best but it's ok because Billy is masochist).I've never posted these anywhere. I have a lot of good shorts but they're not in English. I might want to translate them.
Kudos: 3





	Daddy's Broke....n

I feel like a little child. I broke a promise. Not like it's nothing new. Knowing me, who I am, the shit I do. I break everything I touch.

Tyson was in town, he asked me out for a drink, told me sweet lies, told me I'm the closest he's ever had to a dad. Shoulda guessed. He wanted something from me. Me, I have not drank for years. I'm sober. I quit drugs too. All for the kids.

He grew up alright despite all the shit I did to him. He's almost finished with college, he's got himself a boyfriend, lotsa friends, a job. He's happy. He should be happy to get away from me and this... This mud hole. I never get out anyway and I pull everyone back in as soon as they come back. Yeah he kept talking, how I was the one who gave him a home, education, got him off the street. When he talked he inched closer until he was leaning to me and I can't say no. All those moments of staring at him came back, watching him pee into my toilet with the door open, nobody ever told him it was wrong. I am me, a creep, of fucking course I would take advantage of him. He never expected anything less. Whoever gave birth to him, whoever raised him.... I hated them. For twisting a child's mind that way. But I was still too weak to stop myself.

He was the nicest of them. Probably still is. Everytime he comes home he ends up in my bed. I promised I'd let him go. But he came back anyway. Talked about having feelings. What does one say to that? Sorry, daddy's broke, you gotta pay the hotel room? His legs are still long and slender. His kisses are still bold and passionate. He reminds me of John but John never smiled like this. I stay away from John now. By court's order. I fucked up. I just...wanted to meet him and talk about the old times. Ended up keeping him hostage for a month, tortured, raped, when I was done I dumped him into a dried up well. It was a long time ago and I have paid my dues. Tyson wouldn't let me do that. He's strong. I have a lot of feelings for him too. I....well, I can't really feel love but this is the _closest_ I can get to love.

One night, he cheated on his boyfriend, I broke my promise to leave him be. He left in the morning, he smiled and licked his bruising lip, I came back to this shitty apartment, straight into bathroom, didn't wake the kids or Chev, cut my arm badly. Instant karma, I'd like to say.

Now I'm stroking the fresh bruises on my face, waiting for Glenn to pick up the phone.

Chev and I go a long way. I still feel ...things for him but he's tired of my bullshit. Look idiot, I'm not gonna change. I try my best. Isn't that enough? People like me just get worse as time passes. Still had to beg him on my knees. I felt freedom when he was hurting me. He knows how to do it good. He knows what I like and I know how to egg him on.

I stand in front of the mirror and touch the bruises and I look pretty. I look like when I was living with dad five years back. Before he....passed. I said I can't feel love but I think I really loved dad. And he loved me. So much he wanted to have me just for himself. Relive that time when I was 12 and mum kicked us out and he was drunk all days and nights and one night he was just pissed at me and I guess he must've missed mum too. He hurt me bad but afterwards he passed out holding me and he mumbled that he loves me. Many times. I didn't say no after that. Ever. He had no one else and besides I was fooling around with guys already, with adults too, it wasn't that big deal.

I wanted to be with him forever. When we found each other again he only had a few years left. We didn't know. My life ended with his. Chev is too careful, never breaks my bones though I tell him I wouldn't mind. That's why I'm waiting on the phone. Glenn was dad's best friend. I barely remembered but he knew me right away. He knew. He remembered cause he broke my wrist once. I want dad back. It's not possible but I have Glenn. He's old but strong and has a nice dick. Too bad he lives in my old hometown and that's either an hour's flight or a bus trip that lasts the entire day - or night. I liked taking the night bus. I had my peace. I used to go back a lot before these kids came.

Glenn. Please. I wanna hear my favorite story. About the time you broke my wrist. And dad said I deserved it. And he punched my face and dragged me upstairs and you listened how he beat me so hard I screamed in pain. I loved those times. I loved dad more than anything. Sometimes I felt...I felt trapped. I wanted to leave. But I couldn't. Now I wish I'd never tried. He was so good to me. He loved me with all his heart. I dunno how to keep on living without him. Even Chev is a substitute. Every man I meet is a substitute. I can't settle, they're not Mr. Right. Dad was mine. Sometimes I want to leave. Be with him. Forever. None of us is going to heaven. Friends tell me to just keep living one step at the time, but...

What else is there? I try to behave, I try to be nice, I try to live up to people's expectations. But that's not _for me._

I want to be free. No home, no family, no money, nothing to eat. Only drugs and one-night-stands and getting hurt by old men. Sleeping in the gutter, constant fear, dread, adrenaline. Life like it used to be, long long time ago. I won't live long that way but then I'll see dad pretty soon. He's waiting for me.


End file.
